You are now in the DARK

Since the world is full of clothed apes
we may as well have a chuckle ....

Funny quotes, stories, videos n'shit: (if any of this looks offensive to you, you're probably not a programmer, but a script-kiddie, or just another ape)

2002-10-08 Holy SHIT, Planet-X , a.k.a. NIBIRU , now known as QUAOAR is HERE !!!:
What I found about QUAOAR: (
read full story here
) Their only god who "came down from heaven; and, after reducing chaos to order, out the world on the back of seven giants. He then created the lower animals," and then mankind. Los Angeles County Indians, California
What I found about NIBIRU: (
Just read for yourselves
)

Funniest of all: 1 day before "discovery", I sent this email to one of the dudes that is in charge of the Cerro Tololo observatory:
What to do now ?
Head for some mountains where food actually grows without much fuss, with a few rechargeable batteries, a solar panel to recharge the batteries, your favorite girl, a dog could come in handy, and a handcrank short-wave radio, if you are an optimist.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH (or ?)

2002-10-03 For people who love to ride bicycles:
If you like to: wear tight lycra, wear geeky looking plastic contraptions on your head, stick a hard smooth object in your arse, and usually play TARGET on the streets, for people like me trying to drive my CAR at high speed, then you MUST see this: BICYCLIST DESTINY

2002-08-22 New Sun Servers + some WebLogic Fun :

(00:30:44) BobX 00: I am willing to bet the new LX50 from sun are GOOOOD.
(00:30:49) jontimem: hehee
(00:30:54) jontimem: yer I looked at them
(00:30:57) jontimem: do look good
(00:30:58) BobX 00: just received Sun NEws mag, 
(00:31:07) jontimem: come either with Sun kak linux or Sol8
(00:31:16) BobX 00: with an in depth feature on the 12k
(00:31:21) BobX 00: hardcore beast man
(00:31:22) BobX 00: meng
(00:31:23) jontimem: memory still seems pricey
(00:31:25) jontimem: oh that yer
(00:31:29) BobX 00: up to 52 proicessors
(00:31:29) jontimem: heavy
(00:31:32) jontimem: hehehehe
(00:31:40) jontimem: sounds like a EJB applicatin
(00:31:42) BobX 00: yer, but memory for PC's 
(00:32:02) jontimem: I assume it can take standard shite
(00:32:06) jontimem: must be able to
(00:32:08) BobX 00: we can go down to kingston and tell them "gimme a stick for the proice of 1/3 sun sticks"
(00:32:12) BobX 00: yer
(00:32:14) jontimem: indeedy
(00:32:15) BobX 00: it is.
(00:32:25) jontimem: I had the guy from weblogic ring me today
(00:32:31) jontimem: asking for license renewal
(00:32:35) jontimem: I laughed sooo hard
(00:32:37) jontimem: HAHAHHA
(00:32:40) jontimem: at him
(00:32:41) jontimem: hehehehe
(00:32:42) BobX 00: hahahahaaaahaaahaaaaaaahaa
(00:33:01) BobX 00: wish you has tapesd it.
(00:33:04) jontimem: "sorry meng I wouldn't tough that shit again with a barge pole"
(00:33:07) jontimem: hehehehe
(00:33:23) jontimem: he ended the conversation quickly after that
(00:33:24) jontimem: hehehee

If you have had unexplained splitting headaches, and snot problems, and sometimes wake up at say 4 am in AU (or right after dinner in EU)...... YOU ARE NOT ALONE and here is WHY:
Some time ago, the foofoos in charge (i.e. Aliens, or enlightened beings, working in companies like TRW, SAIC, and SRI International) realized that as communications became cheaper and more widespread, the populations of the world would become probably more and more difficult to konztroll. Prime example, the riots in L.A. in the early 90's. So, they stepped up their evil world domination plans, and made an industrial sized Microwave Oven. (image : here )
This thing, called H.A.A.R.P. ( main site here ) is turning us all into a crisp. It is in full operation, and cooks us all with an "easy to target" 3.6 megawatt beam of microwaves, every day and night, of this god forsaken world of, soon to all be "meek sheep".
I wrote this to them (excuse the directness):
```
Hey Aliens, 

it is time you guys shut this thing off.

Noone can sleep, we get heavy headaches, and snot problems all over the world.

The worst-off people are in AU, but here in Europe it is quite painful and hard to bear.

If you want people who are docile and ready to vote for your political party, try movies, like your buddies in Hollyweed, or crap like fluorinated water (toothpaste does a good job), but not microwaves.

Yar cooking us all to a crisp.

assholes !
```
funny shit ! ........ not.
Coming soon:... THE FLOATING CHAIR
Intro:
Actual Java Technology based company business plan disclaimer:
"Any statements contained in this document that are not historical facts are forward-looking statements as defined in the U.S. Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. Words such as "believe," "estimate," "intend," "may," "will," "expect," and "project" and similar expressions as they relate to the Company are intended to identify such forward-looking statements. The Company undertakes no obligation to publicly update or revise any forward-looking statements. All forward-looking statements are subject to various risks and uncertainties that could cause actual results to differ materially from expectations. The factors that could affect the Company's future financial results are discussed more fully in the Company's filings with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (the "SEC"), including the Company's Annual Report on Form 20-F for 2000 filed with the SEC on March 28, 2001. Readers are cautioned not to place undue reliance on these forward-looking statements, which speak only as of their dates."

In other words: We "will" accomplish the program in time, but if we don't, fuck off, we don't care, cause we are using the best technology, and we are the best !!!
From: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/4/25380.html
We see the following paragraph: "However, demand for Java skills has slipped markedly from 40,681 mentions in Q1 2001 to 14,566, a decline of 64 per cent."
Plausible java programmer explanation you are likely to hear: "the market factors applied to the derivative index of the bond acquisitions, which the IT sector is now investing in, has shifted to a more conservative position, yielding an apparent slip (otherwise known as decline), in demand for the high performance arena, which makes our skills much more valuable and important"

HAHHAHAHHHHAHAHAH, gimme a fucking break
Online Shop written in Java:
Proposal: Hey, I'll use my *VISUAL* [and very advanced] java development tools,
then with the rapid move of my mouse, you will have an online shop ready take customers.
Easy stuff.
Java and C++ are just like Tetris:
Combine as many massive chunks together as possible;
if you are crafty you can keep it smooth,
but if you keep going, everything eats shit
HAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHA
"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot"
HOWTO: Read the Fucking Manual
The information in this article applies to:
- General Lamers
Prerequisites:
- The ability to Read
- Basic Brain Function
"what i can do ...
is....
upgrade the JVM
and install all reqd patches
seems like the only possibility right now

yer, change from the JVM that says 200 Mb minimum requirements, to the one that says 400Mb minimum
that will doo
"Individual processes are still limited to a maximum of 3.5 Gbytes of virtual address space however"
--> so, we prolly cannot update to the latest version of Java, which will surely be "Bigger and Better"
JHAHHAHHAHAHA
take that you punk

How Java KILLED Sun Microsystems

Since times immemorable, Sun has been building rock-hard servers, with the best data BUS ever devised, and fitted them with the "BY FAR" best OS ever, Sun OS (a.k.a. Solaris).
The demand for these servers was always great, and they actually make the "backbone" of most companies or individuals like me (BobX), who like to "play with cool tools".

What could possibly go wrong ?!??!?!?!

Well...., somewhere along the pipe came a dude called Bill Joy, who set up to make a software subsystem, which would allow to run any application, written only once, on any platform. Grrreat idea right ?
WRONG !!!
He seems to have underestimated the greed of the speculators (a.k.a. businessmen) who now had a platform available, which would cut development times by 50% or more (or at least so it seemed for a while). So JAVA became mainstream. Schools even stopped teaching other programming languages altogether.

Here is the end effect (very abbreviated):
Java started to BLOAT, and so did the applications written with it, and so the the ego of the "script kiddies" programming it, to the point of even using Java to perform "server" tasks, for which it was NEVER designed.
Ergo, we now needed 20GB of RAM to run applications which could (or should) have taken less than 1GB.
And Guess what ?.......

Well...., SUN RAM is the most expensive in the planet, right ?
soo...... SUN cannot sell any more servers, as JAVA now runs on Linux, people are now buying Linux servers, Intel-based, and they are not buying SUN nomore.
Even better, JAVA is free !!!, so SUN is now a DYING company. Thank you Bill Joy, thanks a lot for making the best technology in the planet completely USELESS and UNAFFORDABLE.
I dunno who is worse, you or the other Bill. HAHHAHAHHAHA

(you did do a good job with "vi", but then again that was a looong time ago hehe)

Theorem of the Disgrace of the Human Race
(BobX version - Jan 2002)

I will hereby demonstrate why, following the universal laws of physics, scientists and engineers can never get more money than speculators (businesmen and politicians).

Premises postulated herein:
a. Knowledge is Power
b. Time is Money
c. A scientist or engineer holds more knowledge than a speculator

Universal Equation of Power:

Power == Work / Time
Application of Theorem:

substituting variables:

Knowledge

Money

Now, resolving the equation for Money:
Money == Work / Knowledge

From this resulting Equation, which I call now the "Equation of the Disgrace of the Human Race", we can conclude that as Knowledge approaches ZERO, Money approaches infinity.
Ergo, the less Knowledge a Human has, the more money he gets.

So, from (c), and the Theorem proved above, we can conclude that we engineers, and our buddies, the scientists, will always be ".... as rocks".
HHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHA

p.s.: Your are welcome to prove me wrong, but if you do, I bet you are a poor sob. HAHHAHAHA
p.p.s.: How to revert the trend ? CHEAT ! HHAHAHHAHAHHAHA