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symbolic measure of what I will do for him. I guess that is what he
meant when he asked for my embarrassment as a gift.
I think too much about this stuff. I can barely go into public as
it is, and not at all in these chains. Again, why should you be
embarrassed, you say? I think it's because I know what's going on, why
I look the way I do, even though people on the outside wouldn't know.
Or it could be because I'm from Indiana, where they secretly
don't even approve of natural blondes. And I nearly look like an
albino.
Why should I even care if someone else knew? The idea of other
people--people I don't know--reacting to the revelation that I am J's
willing slave is somehow exciting; I'll admit that much. But if anyone
I actually knew found out it would be awful. If a stranger knew, I
would be embarrassed too, but I could get into that kind of embarrass-
ment. Maybe.
Anyway, he took special pains to tell me how beautiful he thought
I was--especially in chains. I go all squirmy sometimes. And I like
being constrained if it is by him; I'm not just writing that because
he'll read this either. There was genuine ad
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