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e here. I don't even believe it, but
he says put it in anyway. He says I have an aloof and almost cruel
looking face. Something about the shape of my nostrils, for God's
sake. Cruel aloof nostrils? Come on. He says it's one of the things
that attracted him to me initially. I'm neither. Really.
Motivations. We've talked about this a lot. Being in charge of
the nurses on an entire floor usually means I have to organize and
direct the people around me. I'm really not cut out for that: it's a
part of my life that's genuinely not under my control, and yet my job
demands that I be able to exert control and I get caught in the
middle. My personality just doesn't carry the necessary weight. I
guess we all have aspects of our lives and jobs that require we be
forceful. I fake it well, but still I am faking it. Maybe that's why I
have this dual urge to give up and get out from under responsibility
on the one hand, and to exert complete and unquestioned control on the
other. Hence the two- column List(?) It seems to express the same
dual
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